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    My Friend Wants to be My Surrogate - Now What?

    9 February 2023

    When you are using the help of a surrogate to grow your family, having a good relationship is key. Most surrogates are retained through a private service that makes introductions between surrogates and the prospective parents. There may be several rounds of interviews to get to know each other.


    Having a friend serve as your surrogate is more unusual, but it may lead to great outcomes for your family. Because of the existing relationship, it is much easier to set the stage for a pregnancy free of misunderstandings and conflict. That also helps welcome your child to the world with greater peace.


    The Role of the Surrogate

    The surrogate carries a child to term on behalf of an adoptive parent or parents. Surrogates are most often used when the female partner has health concerns that make a pregnancy risky or impossible. A surrogate may be impregnated with egg and sperm cells from the couple or from donors as needed.


    In most cases, a friend volunteers to be a surrogate after hearing about the adoptive parents’ family-building journey. Following this path together can deepen and strengthen the relationship, and may create an extended support network for the future child. 


    As soon as a newborn comes into the world, the adoptive parents file paperwork to transfer parental rights. In most cases, the surrogate isn’t involved in the child’s life after birth. But this may not be the case when the surrogate is a friend. There could be a long-term relationship that enriches everyone.


    Health and Safety of the Surrogate

    Whenever parents enter into an agreement with a surrogate, the surrogate’s health and safety will be partly the responsibility of the parents. They agree to take on any medical expenses directly related to the pregnancy. In exchange, they can set expectations about diet or other wellness practices.


    As women age, pregnancy complications are more likely. However, the majority of these come from the gradual deterioration of the egg cells. In vitro fertilization means an embryo can be formed using eggs from the mother or from another suitable donor, so it is okay if a surrogate is in her 30s or older.


    Making the Right Choices About Surrogacy with a Friend

    When a friend wants to be your surrogate, the natural response is to give an excited “yes!”


    Of course, it’s still important to take the right steps to protect yourself and your future child. Just as you would with another surrogate, you should request healthcare records so you feel confident. A check-up by a general practitioner and visit with an ob/gyn fertility specialist can both provide valuable insights.


    Once you feel sure your friend is healthy enough to proceed, you should come to an agreement on the terms of the relationship. For example, will you compensate your surrogate on top of healthcare costs? Will you have any special expectations, such as modifying or discontinuing certain medications?


    Sometimes, when friends look closely at all the details that go into surrogacy, they decide on their own that it isn’t right for them. That’s okay! Your friend can still be a valuable part of your support network throughout the pregnancy and after you welcome your child into the world.


    If everyone involved feels good about moving forward, then it’s essential to talk to a family law attorney. Your lawyer will help you develop your mutual understanding into a contract. A contract does not mean you don’t trust each other. It simply sets out rights and responsibilities so everyone is in full agreement.


    22 November 2024
    In today’s diverse family landscape, second-parent adoption has become an essential legal tool for many families, particularly for those formed through assisted reproduction, same-sex relationships, or blended families. At Modern Family Formation, we focus on adoption and assisted reproduction law across Virginia, Maryland, and the District of Columbia, and we recognize the critical importance of second-parent adoption for non-delivering parents. This legal process ensures that both parents in a family, regardless of biological connection, are recognized and protected under the law. Understanding Second-Parent Adoption Second-parent adoption, also called Confirmatory adoption, allows a non-delivering parent to gain legal recognition and parental rights without the need to terminate the rights of the biological parent. This type of adoption is particularly relevant in families where one parent is biologically related to the child, while the other is not. For example, in many same-sex couples, one partner may be the biological parent through assisted reproduction, while the other partner seeks to adopt the child to ensure equal legal standing. In some cases, the non-delivering or birth parent may be the genetic parent of the child, but will still need to adopt to secure their rights. Legal Security for Your Child The most compelling reason for second-parent adoption is the legal security it offers your child. If laws changed and your parentage was challenged, the Judgment or Order of Adoption would protect your family. This protection provided includes medical care, education, and even custody should something happen to the birthing parent. Second-parent adoption ensures that both parents can provide care and make crucial decisions throughout the child's life. Protection Across State Lines Family laws can vary significantly from state to state. Second-parent adoption creates a legally recognized relationship between a child and both parents, which is respected nationwide. This means your family can move or travel without worrying about the variability of state laws affecting your parental rights. Ensuring Inheritance Rights Without a legal parent-child relationship, a child may not automatically inherit from their non-birthing parent. Second-parent adoption safeguards a child’s right to receive an inheritance, social security benefits, or insurance payouts. It provides peace of mind knowing that, in the event of the unthinkable, your child’s financial future is protected. Emotional Stability and Recognition Beyond the legal aspects, second-parent adoption affirms the emotional bond in the family.. It validates the family unit in the eyes of society and gives the child a sense of stability and belonging. Knowing that both parents are recognized equally reinforces the child's understanding of their family structure. Facilitating Parental Responsibilities Day-to-day life involves countless interactions where parental authority is assumed or required. Picking up a child from school, authorizing a field trip, or attending a doctor’s appointment are all situations where having clear, legal parental status is essential. Second-parent adoption removes any ambiguity about who has the authority to act on behalf of the child. Preparing for the Future Life is unpredictable, and preparing for all eventualities is part of responsible parenting. Should the birthing parent become unable to care for the child due to illness or death, second-parent adoption ensures that the non-birthing parent retains full parental rights, avoiding potential custody battles with other relatives or the state. Health Insurance and Benefits Many employer health plans and government benefits extend coverage to a child only if there is a legal parent-child relationship. Second-parent adoption may become necessary for securing these benefits for your child, including health insurance, life insurance, and access to family leave if your legal relationship was challenged. Reflecting Real-Life Families Our society is evolving, and the concept of family is more inclusive than ever before. Second-parent adoption is a way for the law to catch up with reality, recognizing and protecting all family structures. It sends a message that all families, regardless of how they are formed, are valid and deserving of equal treatment under the law. Conclusion At Modern Family Formation, we believe that every family should have the opportunity to secure their bonds through the full extent of the law. Second-parent adoption is not just a legal formality; it's a crucial step in safeguarding the well-being of children and the rights of non-biological parents. It's about ensuring that love, not just biology, defines what it means to be a family. If you're considering second-parent adoption, know that you're taking a powerful step towards protecting your family's future. If you have questions or would like to learn more about second-parent adoption, please contact Modern Family Formation today!
    10 September 2024
    Adoption is a profound journey that reshapes family boundaries, often bringing immense joy and fulfillment. Among the various forms of adoption, kinship adoption stands out as a unique opportunity to maintain biological family ties while providing children with the stability and love they need. As an adoption attorney, I have witnessed firsthand the transformative power of kinship adoptions and the myriad benefits they offer to both children and families. Preserving Family Bonds Kinship adoption occurs when a child is adopted by a relative or a person with whom they share a significant emotional bond. This could be a grandparent, aunt, uncle, adult sibling, or cousin.. One of the most significant advantages of this arrangement is the preservation of familial connections. Children in kinship adoptions may experience less trauma compared to non-relative adoptions because they are placed in a familiar environment, with people they already know and trust. Continuity of Culture and Identity Children thrive on continuity, and kinship adoption can provide a sense of identity and belonging that is crucial for their development. By staying within their biological family, children can maintain their cultural heritage, traditions, and language. This continuity can help to foster a strong sense of self and supports a smoother transition into their new family dynamic. Strengthening the Support Network Kinship adoption not only benefits the child but also strengthens the support network for the adoptive family. Relatives often have an established relationship and understanding of the child's background and needs. This shared history can make it easier for the family to navigate challenges and celebrate successes together. Legal and Financial Considerations From a legal standpoint, kinship adoption can be more straightforward than other types of adoption. Since the adoptive parents are already related to the child, there may be fewer hurdles to overcome in terms of custody and parental rights depending on the circumstances. Additionally, some states offer financial assistance and resources specifically for kinship adoptions, helping to alleviate potential economic burdens. Emotional Stability and Well-Being Children in kinship adoptions generally benefit from greater emotional stability. They may be less likely to feel abandoned or rejected since they remain within their family unit. This stability is essential for their emotional well-being and may lead to better outcomes in terms of mental health, academic performance, and social relationships. Conclusion Kinship adoption is a compassionate choice that can enrich the lives of everyone involved. It offers a way to keep families together, preserve important bonds, and provide children with the love and security they deserve. As an adoption attorney, I am committed to supporting families through this process, ensuring that the best interests of the child are always at the forefront. If you are considering kinship adoption, we encourage you to explore this rewarding path and discover how it might benefit your family and your loved ones. Learn more about kinship adoption now.
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